Friday, March 28, 2008

Re:

"Thank You DeeJay"


Dear "You",

(I'm going to type and type until I can't type anymore)

I couldn't have asked for a better friend than my best friend. I never connected too well with males, probably because they are, well, males. They're men, real men, they like to do things that men to do and that's all stereotypical I know, but it's always applied to me really. Don't get me wrong, I have many male friends, but I don't connect with them as much I do with my best friend Sarah. Sarah, being a female name, in case you didn't guess already. Heheh.

We've all had our share of best friends, companions and peers. Your best friend in primary school was probably the first guy you saw on the playground playing tag or stuck in the mud, of course he isn't going to stick with you because you're too different from him, he's a temp, but then you find that friend who just sticks, whether you like it or not.

Sarah is an example of this. I first met her properly on the playground, ironically. I fell over and injured myself and her. We were both sent to the medical room for a wet paper towel for treatment. Heheh. We connected. It was there. We both know we weren't the most popular kids on the field, so we were on the same level, school was a terrible hierarchy. Cruel world.

We stuck it through, as casual friends throughout school and even to secondary school where we were placed in the same form group. Years went by and we both grew up, we found new friends, new interests, but we found ourselves in the same situation, I guess we were still both lost...
I always found it cool that we were in the same lessons, Religious Education, History, Art, etc. A small chat from time to time never hurt, Sarah was an old skool buddy who was cool in my books.

Then she came.

Till this day, I'm not entirely sure how Sarah and I became best friends. We just did. Maybe it's best that I don't remember, I'm having trouble recalling how it came about actually. I believe it was MSN, but that's just a guess. I had a 2 year relationship with my first love and during this time, as a blessing in disguise, Sarah and I became good friends.

We didn't do things good friends do together, you know, hang out in each other's houses, catch a movie, party and whatever, we had different friends, it was an occasional thing. When trouble came along, Sarah was the only one who listened and until this day I thank her for that.

I could type and write down endlessly about the times she was there for me, but I don't want to, brings back some terrible memories and things I'd rather not think about. But I will write down this, because this is one of the most memorable days of my life, the day I thought I lost it all. Sounds epic, but it's just petty, I'm a total drama queen!

I told Sarah first, I didn't hesistate either.

From then on, she was always fucking there. Why did I tell her first, because she were the only who would understand. The others just sighed for me, told me I could do better, ripped into her and I didn't want that, not then, not ever.

Hahah! I just remembered how we both started developing our sexual drives together, but not with each other, of course. Sarah had another Filipino on hand and I was falling for a girl who refused to accept that she was falling for a helpless kid like me. We both fell into trouble, because the two we were chasing were so alike, they didn't give a shit, whilst we did. And whilst I was chasing her and ending into dead ends, crying and feeling so fucking helpless after a night of ups-and-downs, Sarah reached out a hand and helped me back up and I did the same for her, we weren't going to give up that easily.

We would walk up to the City Center after Psychology and sit down and have a coffee and forget everything that was happening and happily sip down on a Starbucks Latté. Or take a bus up to work because I was too lazy to walk for 30 minutes or so, 4 hours on a Thursday night just connecting.

The summer came and went and it was possibly the greatest time of my life. I never felt so close to my friends. I found love once again and once again completely infatuated with her. So in love that I forgot about everyone else. Love is not an easy game, attention has to put on her, and her only.

I remember that time when we scored and peacefully got high in her comfortable living room, where we spent some of our days. Yes, I know I broke our spit-hand shake promise, but that's Mary's fault, not mine. That day, I just wanted to stay there all day, listen to G. Love and close my eyes. It would have been perfect.

It was time I moved on and literally. I moved on down to Coventry whilst Sarah went down to Brighton. I remember visiting Sarah on her birthday and I've never seen her so scared. What was she scared for? She was always so ready to leave it all behind and start fresh, I was happy for her, even though I was the one who was angry at her for her needs. Selfish of me, I know.
What was wrong? I didn't understand it.

The fact of the matter, both of us weren't ready. When she drove away, I called Sarah and said, "She's gone." I sent long e-mails back and forth, updating each other on this new and exciting life ahead of us. And suddenly, it hit me. She was gone too.

The person I looked up to, was gone. Where did I stand? All hope was gone and I couldn't do anything about it. All I could do was watch. And I totally understand why you didn't tell me straight away and there's no hard feelings, because even after everything you were still looking out for my feelings too. Despite my disappointment, I couldn't help but feel happy for you. You deserved it.

So, let's skip a few chapters shall we?

Amsterdam. There was something about my drugs trip that I reconnected with Sarah. Yes, we both know that we've grown apart and we're both doing our own thing, but we never lost what we had. During my first trip. I felt happy, I felt connected and I felt free. Typical right? But it's true. Damn mushrooms. Hahah. I connected with Sarah throughout the whole trip, just like the summer and it was good to have her around, I missed her.

On Wednesday, I met up for Sarah to re-unite for a coffee alone. Time alone with Sarah was fantastic and a change of scene. I missed her. And I didn't realise this. It was just like old times. Sarah even bought me a cake to share and we wondered around the City Center, shopping with our eyes and stepping in and out of those tiles on the floor, in unison. Without realising it. Just like old times indeed. We both achieved what we wanted, I got the girl and Sarah got the placement for her eternal happiness (let's hope it works out this time.)

We don't need to be there for each other everyday because we are always going to be there for each other whatever the weather (probably rain, because England sucks like that.) And I love her for that. We got our whole lives ahead of us and I want you to be apart of it, well, not all of it, because that would be rude, but you know what I mean! Hehe.

I'm surprised you've even read this far and I'm glad you've made it. I have something to tell you. Well, a few things. One, go for it. Don't hold back and just let your emotions flow, as another young Filipino once said and still does to this day, "you only live once". I'm happy for you that you found someone who you can really connect with and who make you smile by just thinking of him, it's a beautiful feeling indeed.

Second, I found your ring. It was in my bag, I shall give it to you when I see you next, hopefully on Saturday if you're not staying the night. *wink-wink, nudge-nudge*

Finally,

Thank you Sarah.